Noise Natzi (Yes, spelled wrong on purpose.)

My Sexy Husband calls me the Noise Natzi. I never bothered killing my ears during high school with crazy loud music, so now I wish I had because I hear EVERYTHING. Of course, there have been some good things, like hearing the sump pump in the middle of the night and stopping a flood. But there are way more bad things.

I suck at sleeping. So much so that I sleep in the basement, I have earplugs at my bedside should some random dog start yapping, a gun at the bedside (because I hear all the fake break in sounds too) and I positively CANNOT sleep if I hear a noise and can't identify it. If you can imagine it, traveling is ridiculous! I could totally rip apart hotels for the amount of weird noises they make, and I am not talking about rude neighbors! One time there was a mini-fridge that sounded like it was dying, so I unplugged it, only to be awoken later by the dripping water as it defrosted! And I hear all the water running through the pipes and the elevator at the end of the hall. At my house, I can be upstairs and my husband will be watching a movie and using headphones and I can tell him what movie he was watching because I heard enough to know. From his headphones. Upstairs.

Its really sad actually. I kept dreaming when I was younger that I would be able to put it to good use. Like hearing the neighbor kid choking and rushing in and doing the Heimlich Maneuver and saving the day. Or stopping a break in because they should have not breathed from the street. But alas, all I get is a few times every night where I wake up to who knows what and can't fall back asleep until I solve it. Our neighbors like their gate open and when it is windy, if the rock isn't holding it open well enough, lets just say I am glad I have never been caught when I am fixing it at 3 am.

Thank goodness I live in a nice neighborhood. I would hate to be raped because I was out trimming a branch in the middle of the night and a hoodlum walked by and disarmed me and no one would ever hear me scream. I would, but that doesn't matter.

I have a great husband who is very patient. Its a trade off we have going on between us. He puts up with my super sonic hearing and I put up with the man stuff. At least he doesn't spit.